Why?

Sorry you guys, i delay the infinity war trailer shots reaction thing. It will be here though but not anytime soon.

I want to talk.
I want to ask.

Why?
Why can't i talk to other people like other people?
Why can't i interact and communicate well like other people?
I always imagine doing everything a lot harder because of this. Including reaching my dreams and, living.

When i talk to other people...
Do i get nervous? No.
Do i get anxious? At times, yes, when i feel like i did something wrong or awkward.
I just...
I can't come up with things to talk about or say something fast enough to actually talk well to make them want to talk to me again because i can't start a conversation for goodness' sake.

I guess i do get nervous that's why my brain just can't. Can't think of a verbal response. Just. Can't.

Do i want to talk to other people? Yes! I really really do if i know how to do it just right.
And on one side, i have to say this, although i really hate me for this and i really hate the word. I'm shy, KIND OF, not so much.
I WANT to change, i want to work my life out, i want to get rid of my shyness forever, can't act well with it right?

I want to let everyone know also, i'm ashamed of being shy, weird i know, but i'm serious. I want to be able to fully express myself like other people.

Surely i'll need help with all of these but, i need to talk with other people, and try doing better.
But where can i get in life when i can't even open up, talk about these things to other people??

Mushroom. Shitake mushroom.

Do you hear me? No, you don't. I don't speak loud enough.

I'm trying to reach out. If you see this, help me.

-Kam