Pick up a bag and fill it with things

Can I just rant first? :')

For these two posts I did this month, they were a flop.
The formatting was a huge flop, if you're early you should know what happened.
Just out of my control every format changes, from normal sized texts to smaller, and etc.
I'm super tired okay? So, let's try doing this less Kam style writing and more, proper.
Listen I TRIED writing the things on wordpad first for the last post, and STILL those craps happened.
MY GOODNESS how am I going to make this stop once and for all? It wasn't this hard before?

I know this isn't gonna be fun, this wouldn't probably be a long post anyway.
I'll try going back to my usual out of everyone's mind writing style in the next one.
MAYBE.Let's do it, screw this. I'm gonna be upset I can't be "ME" THROUGH PC :(

"Pick up a bag and fill it with things."

What's that?
It's a quote, I said to myself.
But just that one sentence and it would blast my mind off.
It reminds me of my childhood.

Yes, everyone has gone through childhood, times filled with imagination and pretending.
Pretending.
I pretend a lot when I was a kid. Surely, not a surprise, everyone did too.
But for me, it felt special remembering it. Why?
Because all these times, the only thing I can remember was, "I fell in love with acting since I was 14." and assuming that I wasn't doing anything related before that.
I completely missed the "before".

Only now have I realized it.
Oh, of course! I did pretend a lot when I was a kid. How could I forget?
I felt as if I was missing out, not knowing earlier that right now, I have a passion for acting.
I mean surely if I digged deeper back then I probably would've known.
I was always a "Oh, drama, theater things, okay, I'll do it." kid.

If you want to say to me that this isn't real passion...
You know what? Maybe it is true, maybe it's like another phase.
Throughout my whole life I've been through a lot of phase, once, I wanted to be a firefighter, then, a vet, a soccer player, a secret agent, an architect, a programmer.
A lot more in between, and I always change my mind.
Until now.

Since 2015 my passion has been for acting, we'll see if it changes one day, maybe, I'll find something else.
But if I stay with this, if this is actually my real passion then, I will never change it.

But again, why do I want to pursue acting?
Because I love it, I can tell, and I want to experience more.
You know what happened right? Have you read my story?
Last year I broke down, not like a robot ofc. But I felt so down I felt like I really can't do it anymore.
I felt like, "do I really want to pursue acting?"
Well, tell me this isn't my passion then, because even after THAT thing that was supposed to bring me down to make me stay away from acting, DIDN'T even change a damn thing about my passion.
It was a hell of a depression, but I came back now.
And I'll tell you what, I still want to be an actor. Actor. Yeah, I said it.

So now, I guess whenever I feel down, I'll just have to tell myself "Pick up a bag and fill it with things." and remind myself of what do I want and why I want it.
I want to pursue acting, why? Because I love it. And I'll be there for the experience.

That's it.
Thank you for reading. Have a great day

-Kam is an actor